Life Through a Lens

Life can be a funny ole thing. I mean you are born you live you die. Being born and dying are easy. Its living that seems to be hard, trying to find your place amongst billions of others. I seem to be going through another downer again, i expect it to last only a day though as i havent got the time at the mo to concentrate on being depressed. Promoting the play, rehearsing the play, working , eating, sleeping then running the play! Thats my life for the next few weeks. Thank god i am taking some time off work for it all. Then i have to worry about getting more extra work as i desperately need money for school, the restaurant that i was at havent had any hours for me for the last 3 weeks and its hitting me hard. Cant do much about it till after the play. I was pleased with last nights rehearsal as for the first time i felt like i wasnt bex saying lines pretending to be a character but rather i really got into the character became it almost. I loved it, i came of stage feeling lightheaded and flushed in the cheeks and the buzz was something else. I just hope that i can be good enough to earn a living at this when i complete the school. I am a worrier and am i am worrying a lot about whats gonna happen after school. I wanna stay in canada but this could prove nigh on impossible, do i go to london along with thousands of other hopefuls? Ugh i do have times when i feel i am not good enough and i still have a niggling doubt at the back of my mind as to why exactly i have been excepted to the school. But thats just me.
I have been told a few times that i am doing good moving away, my mum told me that its great as i have nothing here. I am sure she ment i have no ties to keep me and not that i wasnt wanted. But what of that as well. She is right i have no one and some times i wish that i did have someone that could make me happy, truly happy and not content like i seem to be most of the time! Like i say i shall get myself out of this funk this weekend and i shall be back to being the happy go lucky person people think i am!